In this episode of Sixty Plus Uncensored, host Seb Frey sits down with Lincoln Stoller, a psychotherapist, former physicist, and lifelong explorer of both the external world and the inner one. Their conversation moves across decades of experience, touching on work, relationships, risk, and the quiet question many people carry into later life: Is there still something meaningful left to pursue? Rather than offering quick answers, Lincoln shares a perspective shaped by lived experience, one that invites reflection, experimentation, and a willingness to step into the unknown, even when certainty is out of reach.
A Life That Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line
One of the first things that stands out in Lincoln’s story is that his life has not followed a conventional path. He began as a computer developer, building and supporting accounting systems in a structured and technical environment. Like many people, this stage of life was defined by practical work, skill-building, and a clear professional identity. It was stable, productive, and in many ways predictable.
Over time, however, something shifted. His interests expanded beyond systems and software into areas that were far less structured and much more experiential. Mountaineering became a major part of his life, not just as a physical challenge, but as a way to develop responsibility, awareness, and trust in others. It was less about reaching the top and more about learning how to navigate uncertainty, risk, and relationships in real time.
From there, his path continued to evolve in unexpected ways. Travel exposed him to different cultures, and those experiences challenged many of his assumptions about how people live and what truly matters. Eventually, his curiosity led him into psychology, altered states of consciousness, and later into psychotherapy. Each stage was built on the last, even if it did not follow a traditional trajectory.
There is something quietly reassuring in this progression. It shows that a life does not need to be linear to be meaningful, and that change over time is not a sign of instability, but of growth. For many older adults, this can serve as an important reminder that it is never too late to explore something new or revisit an interest that was set aside earlier in life.
For those exploring new directions later in life, When Retirement Feels Too Small: How to Reclaim Purpose, Connection, and Joy offers practical ways to rediscover meaning and stay engaged.
What High Performance Really Means
A central theme in the conversation is Lincoln’s work with what he calls “high performers.” At first glance, this might suggest people who are financially successful or highly accomplished in a traditional sense. However, his definition is far more nuanced and grounded in mindset rather than outcomes. High performers, in his view, are people who remain engaged, reflective, and willing to challenge themselves.
These individuals are not defined by how much they earn or how others perceive them. Instead, they are characterized by their willingness to question their own choices, take risks when necessary, and make changes even when it feels uncomfortable. They do not assume they have everything figured out, and they are open to reconsidering their direction when something no longer aligns.
He shares examples that highlight this idea. One is a successful investment banker who recognizes the hidden pressures and trade-offs in his field and actively questions his path. Another is a mountaineer who pursues his passion despite financial uncertainty, driven more by purpose than stability. What connects them is not their profession, but their willingness to stay engaged with their lives thoughtfully and intentionally.
This perspective becomes especially meaningful later in life. Instead of measuring success by past achievements, it shifts the focus to how you are showing up in the present. It becomes less about what you have done and more about how you continue to engage with what is in front of you.
The Role of Vision in Later Life
As the conversation turns toward aging, one idea comes up repeatedly: the importance of having a vision. Lincoln speaks quite directly about this, suggesting that without some sense of direction, life can become overly routine. While comfort and stability are not inherently negative, they can sometimes lead to a lack of engagement if there is nothing to work toward.
A vision does not have to be dramatic or involve major risk. It does not require starting over or making large, disruptive changes. Instead, it can be something simple and personal that creates a sense of forward movement. It might be learning a new skill, developing a creative habit, or becoming more involved in a community.
For many people, especially those who have spent years meeting responsibilities, this can be a difficult shift. After focusing on family, career, and obligations, it is not always easy to ask, What do I want now? Yet this question becomes increasingly important as life transitions into a new stage.
Without some form of vision, it is easy to settle into a passive rhythm where days are filled but not necessarily fulfilling. The goal is not to create pressure, but to gently encourage reflection. Even a small sense of direction can create momentum and renew a sense of purpose.
If you’re unsure where to begin, Creating a Fulfilling Lifestyle After Retirement provides simple, realistic ways to build a sense of direction without overwhelming change.
Creativity Without the Pressure to Be Good
One of the most practical insights from the conversation centers on creativity. Lincoln encourages people to engage in creative activities without focusing on the outcome, which can be a difficult shift for many. There is often a tendency to measure success by skill level or external recognition, even in areas that are meant to be personal.
He challenges this directly by emphasizing that creativity is not about impressing others. It is about exploration, expression, and experience. Whether it is painting, writing, playing music, or trying something entirely new, the value lies in the process itself. When the focus shifts away from performance, creativity becomes more accessible and less intimidating.
He shares an example of someone who began painting purely for relaxation. Initially, the experience felt freeing, but once the work was praised, pressure began to build. What started as exploration quickly became something that needed to be “good.” This shift highlights how easily external validation can change the nature of creative work.
For older adults, this offers a different way to approach creativity. Without the pressures of competition or career advancement, there is an opportunity to create for personal satisfaction. This kind of engagement can be deeply rewarding, offering both mental stimulation and a sense of ongoing curiosity.
The Value of Not Knowing
Another important theme that runs through the conversation is the idea of not knowing. In many areas of life, experience is often associated with certainty, and there can be an expectation to have clear answers. However, Lincoln presents a different perspective, suggesting that not knowing can actually be a strength rather than a weakness.
When people believe they already understand everything, they often stop questioning, exploring, and learning. This can lead to stagnation, even if it feels comfortable. On the other hand, accepting uncertainty creates space for discovery and growth. It allows for new ideas to emerge and encourages a more flexible approach to challenges.
This mindset is particularly valuable when trying something new. Whether it is learning a skill, starting a project, or entering a new environment, there will always be a period of uncertainty. Rather than seeing this as a problem, it can be viewed as a natural and necessary part of the process.
In this way, not knowing becomes less of a limitation and more of an invitation. It signals that you are stepping into something new and that there is still room to learn. For many people, this shift in perspective can make it easier to take that first step.
Embracing uncertainty is part of growth, and The Science of Staying Sharp: How to Keep Your Brain Young After 60 explains why staying curious matters at every stage.
Failure as Part of Growth
Closely connected to the idea of not knowing is the role of failure. Lincoln speaks openly about the importance of failing early and often, not as a negative outcome, but as part of the learning process. This idea may feel uncomfortable, especially later in life when there can be a desire to avoid mistakes.
However, avoiding failure often means avoiding new experiences altogether. Without the willingness to try and potentially fall short, it becomes difficult to grow. Each attempt, even when it does not succeed, provides valuable information that can be used to improve and adjust.
He reframes failure as something practical rather than personal. It is not a reflection of ability or worth, but a step in the process of understanding something more deeply. This approach reduces the fear associated with trying new things and encourages a more experimental mindset.
For older adults, this can be especially freeing. It removes the expectation of perfection and replaces it with curiosity. Instead of focusing on getting it right the first time, the emphasis shifts to learning through experience and continuing to move forward.
The Importance of Connection
One of the more unexpected insights in the conversation comes from a simple experiment involving human connection. When people stood in a busy city with a sign inviting others to talk, they found that many were eager to engage. This suggests that, despite appearances, there is often a quiet desire for connection beneath the surface.
As people get older, opportunities for interaction can naturally decrease. Changes in routine, retirement, or relocation can reduce daily contact with others. Over time, this can lead to a sense of isolation, even if it is not intentional.
Lincoln suggests that connection does not always require structured settings or formal arrangements. It can begin with small, everyday actions such as starting a conversation or showing genuine interest in someone else. These moments, while simple, can have a meaningful impact.
There is also value in what older adults can offer in these interactions. Experience brings perspective, and many people are open to learning from those who have lived through different stages of life. In this way, connection becomes both a source of support and a way to contribute.
For those looking to maintain meaningful relationships, How to Stay Positive and Motivated as You Age also touches on the role of social connection in everyday well-being.
Travel as a Way of Staying Engaged
Travel comes up as another meaningful way to stay engaged with life, but not in the traditional sense of simply visiting new places. Lincoln describes experiences that go beyond typical tourism, where he sought out personal connections rather than structured itineraries. By engaging with local people, often through simple conversations, he was able to gain a deeper understanding of different cultures.
These experiences were not always predictable, but that unpredictability was part of what made them valuable. They provided insight into how people live, think, and connect in ways that are not easily observed from a distance. This kind of travel becomes less about destinations and more about perspective.
For older adults, travel does not need to be extreme to be meaningful. It can be adapted to individual comfort levels while still offering opportunities for growth and learning. What matters most is the willingness to step outside familiar surroundings and remain open to new experiences.
In this sense, travel becomes an ongoing way to stay curious and engaged. It offers a chance to see the world differently and, in doing so, to better understand your own place within it.
Health, Balance, and Readiness
As the conversation moves toward practical considerations, Lincoln emphasizes the importance of health and balance as a foundation for engagement. He uses the analogy of jumping out of an airplane, where preparation plays a crucial role in making the experience manageable. While the act itself may seem risky, it is the planning and readiness that make it possible.
Similarly, taking on new challenges later in life does not have to feel overwhelming. When physical health is supported and basic needs are met, it becomes easier to approach new experiences with confidence. This includes not only physical well-being, but also mental and emotional balance.
Sleep, stress management, and self-awareness all contribute to maintaining this balance. These elements may seem simple, but they have a significant impact on how capable and prepared someone feels. When these areas are neglected, even small challenges can feel difficult.
Rather than focusing on limitations, the emphasis shifts toward preparation. With a solid foundation in place, even small steps forward can feel meaningful and achievable, creating momentum for continued engagement.
Reflecting on Time and Mortality
Toward the end of the conversation, the topic of death comes up, not as something to fear, but as a reminder of how time is used. Lincoln describes it as a motivator, a way of bringing clarity to what truly matters. Life, like a jump from an airplane, has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and it is this temporary nature that gives it meaning.
This perspective can shift attention away from what has already passed and toward what is still possible. Even with the natural limitations that come with age, there remains space for growth, connection, and contribution. The focus becomes less about loss and more about how to make use of the time that remains.
Seeing time as finite can also make decision-making clearer. It becomes easier to recognize what is worth investing energy in and what can be let go. This does not create pressure, but rather a sense of direction.
In this way, the idea of mortality becomes less about endings and more about intention. It encourages a more thoughtful and engaged approach to everyday life.
Preparing thoughtfully for the future can bring clarity, as outlined in The Ultimate Guide to Creating a “Death Binder”: Everything Your Loved Ones Need After You’re Gone.
Letting Go and Moving Forward
One of the more personal parts of the discussion involves the challenge of letting go. Lincoln speaks openly about past relationships and the difficulty of moving on, something that many people can relate to over time. Experiences accumulate, and not all of them are easily resolved or neatly set aside.
Letting go, in this context, is not about forgetting or dismissing the past. It often involves understanding those experiences more fully and deciding what continues to hold value. Some parts may be worth keeping, while others may need to be released.
This process is rarely immediate or straightforward. It requires reflection, patience, and a willingness to engage with difficult emotions. At the same time, it allows for growth by creating space for new experiences and perspectives.
Moving forward, then, is less about leaving everything behind and more about making thoughtful choices about what to carry with you. It is an ongoing process that evolves over time.
This process is closely related to Exploring Spirituality After Retirement: A Journey to Meaning, Peace, and Connection, which offers a gentle perspective on reflection and personal growth.
A Different Way to See Aging
Stepping back from the details, the overall message of the conversation offers a different way to think about aging. Rather than being defined by decline or limitation, it can be seen as a stage with its own opportunities for growth and engagement. There is often more freedom to explore, question, and create without the same external pressures.
At the same time, this kind of engagement requires effort. It involves making intentional choices, trying new things, reaching out to others, and staying open to change. These actions may seem small, but they play a significant role in shaping how life feels on a daily basis.
There is also a sense of realism in this perspective. Not everything will be easy, and there will be moments of uncertainty, setbacks, and doubt. However, these are part of the process rather than reasons to stop.
In this way, aging becomes less about what is lost and more about how you continue to engage with what remains.
Conclusion: Starting Where You Are
What emerges from this conversation is not a single answer, but a set of perspectives that can gently guide reflection. A meaningful life, especially in later years, does not depend on dramatic change, but often begins with small, intentional steps. Trying something new, reconnecting with creativity, or simply questioning old assumptions can gradually shift how life feels.
There is no need to have everything figured out. Not knowing can be a valuable place to start, as it creates space for exploration and growth. A sense of direction often begins with curiosity, what interests you now, and what might be worth trying.
Time continues to move, regardless of what we do with it. But within that movement, there is still room to choose how to engage. And sometimes, the most meaningful step is simply deciding to begin.