In this episode of 60 Plus Uncensored, host Seb Frey sits down with Rabbi Shlomo Slotkin, a marriage therapist who’s spent decades helping couples rebuild connection when things feel stuck, tense, or quietly distant. He’s trained in Imago Relationship Therapy, and his work is grounded in something personal: early in his own marriage, what looked perfect on the surface started to unravel. Instead of accepting that as the end of the story, he and his wife went looking for real help, and what they learned became the foundation for how he supports couples today, including many navigating marriage in their 60s and beyond.
Marriage and Connection After 60: Why This Work Matters
A lot of conversations about life after 60 focus on health, retirement, or travel. But for many people, the biggest day-to-day reality is simpler than that: it’s the person across the table. The one you’ve built a home with. The one you’ve argued with, made up with, raised kids with, worried with, and sometimes drifted from.
Rabbi Shlomo Slotkin works right in that space.
He’s based in Baltimore, and he leads what he calls the Marriage Restoration Project, supporting couples who feel like they’ve lost their footing. Some are dealing with chronic conflict. Some are facing serious ruptures like infidelity or addiction. Others are simply looking at each other in retirement and realizing, “We don’t know how to be us anymore.”
As couples reassess what fulfillment looks like in retirement, Creating a Fulfilling Lifestyle After Retirement is a helpful companion for understanding how shared purpose, emotional connection, and intentional daily living shape long-term happiness after 60.
Early background: rabbinical path, counseling training, and a direction that changed
Rabbi Slotkin describes two major threads running side by side early on: he was becoming a rabbi around the same time he was studying counseling psychology and training in couples work. His original plan was to become a pulpit rabbi, someone serving in a synagogue, but his path shifted.
It wasn’t that faith stopped mattering. It was that he found his day-to-day “ministry,” as he puts it, in the therapy room instead. He could still help people, but in a way that was intensely practical: guiding couples through conversations they couldn’t safely have on their own, and teaching skills that made home feel calmer.
He also notes that the couples he works with are from many backgrounds, and most are not Jewish. That detail matters because it frames his role here less as a religious authority and more as a trained professional who uses a clear method to help people reconnect.
The “nightmare” moment: when a good-looking marriage starts to fall apart
One of the most striking parts of Rabbi Slotkin’s story is how direct he is about the beginning of his own marriage. He says that about two years in, “everything seemed perfect in the beginning,” and then “the dream kind of turned into a nightmare.”
He doesn’t give gossip-level details, and he doesn’t need to. Most people hearing that understand the shape of it: disappointment, miscommunication, resentment, fear, and the sinking feeling that the relationship you’re standing in is not the relationship you thought you were building.
Instead of letting that become permanent, he and his wife got help. And he’s clear about the impact: it “got us back on track,” and it set his mission forward.
When long-term relationships quietly shift from partnership to tension or distance, When Retirement Feels Too Small: How to Reclaim Purpose, Connection, and Joy offers insight into why dissatisfaction often signals a need for renewal rather than escape.
What Imago therapy is, in plain language
Seb asks a practical question many people have: “What is an imotherapist? I’ve never heard of that.”
Rabbi Slotkin explains that Imago Relationship Therapy is a structured approach to couples counseling, created by Dr. Harville Hendrix (he mentions the book Getting the Love You Want and its cultural reach). The basic idea, as he shares it, is this:
We’re often drawn to partners who feel familiar, because unconsciously, our image of an ideal partner (our “imago”) is shaped by the strengths and wounds of our early caregivers. That doesn’t mean you married your parent. It means your relationship can wake up old patterns, and those patterns can start running the show if you don’t make them conscious.
He describes it as “marriage is the unfinished business of childhood,” and says the purpose is growth and healing. Not in a sentimental way. In a “this is why you keep fighting about the same thing” way.
He also emphasizes the structure: it’s designed to create emotional safety, so people can stop reacting defensively and start hearing each other. For many couples, especially those who have spent years sniping, criticizing, or shutting down, that sense of safety is the missing ingredient.
A pivot that became a bigger mission: how the Marriage Restoration Project began
Rabbi Slotkin says the “germ” of the Marriage Restoration Project came largely from his wife’s experience. She grew up as a child of divorce, and that shaped her. At one point, she met a young girl whose parents were splitting up, and it brought back her own memories.
Her response wasn’t abstract. It was urgent: We have to do something for the children. We have to help couples and families so they can really succeed and stay together instead of falling apart.
What’s important here is the tone. Rabbi Slotkin is careful not to shame divorce. He says outright that he’s not judging anyone who divorces. The point, as he sees it, is that many couples are seeking help and not getting the help they actually need, sometimes because the therapy is ineffective, sometimes because the approach quietly pushes people toward separation, and sometimes because the therapist isn’t properly trained to work with couples.
So instead of staying a small private practice, they expanded: a book, a five-step plan, online programs, and a two-day intensive model with therapists in multiple locations.
This is where reinvention after 60 becomes relevant even if you’re not starting a company. The deeper idea is that a life shift can become a mission shift. Pain can become purpose, without turning your life into a billboard.
When couples feel bored, disconnected, or “What are we even doing now?”
The conversation keeps circling back to older couples, especially those in their 60s and beyond. Seb raises a question many people ask privately: once the kids are grown and you’re financially stable, why stay married if you’re not happy?
Rabbi Slotkin offers several grounded reasons.
He mentions physical health (particularly that men tend to live longer when married, based on statistics he’s seen). He talks about companionship and the real difficulty of starting over later in life. He also brings up something practical that many people don’t want to admit until it’s right in front of them: who takes care of you when you truly need it?
But he adds a relational angle that’s easy to overlook. Even if you divorce, you may still be connected through children, grandchildren, holidays, and major life events. In many families, you don’t get a clean exit. You get a lifelong reshuffling.
So his argument isn’t “never divorce.” It’s “don’t assume leaving is the only way to feel alive again.”
For couples who suddenly find themselves spending more time together after retirement, How to Stay Positive and Motivated as You Age explores how mindset, communication, and emotional resilience support healthier relationships in later life.
Emotional challenges: safety, fear, identity, and the weight of history
This conversation doesn’t turn into therapy-speak, but the emotional layers are clearly there.
For couples, there’s the fear of being alone, the fear of starting over, and the fear that it’s “too late” to change anything meaningful. Rabbi Slotkin pushes back on the idea that older couples can’t learn new patterns. He’s seen couples in their 60s and 70s change how they communicate, reducing criticism and learning to hear each other.
For individuals, there’s also the identity shift that comes with retirement: who am I if I’m not needed in the same way? Even when people don’t say it out loud, boredom and irritability can be symptoms of feeling unmoored.
Seb names something many people recognize: during working years, you can tell yourself you don’t have time to imagine a different life. Then retirement arrives and the question gets louder: what do we do now? What do I do now?
Rabbi Slotkin says some people planned for this for years, and some didn’t. And those who didn’t may struggle to give themselves permission to want something new.
That permission, without blowing up your life, is one of the quiet skills of staying relevant later in life.
The learning curve: doing the work together vs. trying to fix it alone
Seb asks about a common workaround: individual therapy to “fix” a marriage when a spouse won’t participate.
Rabbi Slotkin’s answer is balanced.
If both partners are willing, working together is best. Otherwise, the therapist only hears one side, and suggestions may not fit the reality of the couple.
The way he works is not just “tell me what happened and I’ll advise.” He describes facilitating connection in the room, helping partners talk to each other in a new way.
If a spouse isn’t willing, individual therapy can still help, if it focuses on your own feelings and reactions, not on diagnosing or blaming your partner from a distance.
He shares a line from Imago: you can do growth work in individual therapy, but the deeper healing happens in relationship, because that’s where many wounds formed.
As individuals work on their own reactions while staying committed to the relationship, The Science of Staying Sharp: How to Keep Your Brain Young After 60 helps explain how emotional flexibility and reflective thinking support healthier communication patterns.
Practical lessons: how to choose a therapist who won’t make things worse
One of Rabbi Slotkin’s most consumer-friendly moments is his warning about therapy that subtly undermines the relationship.
He suggests being cautious if a therapist tells you to divorce, rather than helping you clarify your own decision.
He also suggests caution if an individual therapist, who has never met your spouse, confidently labels them (for example, as “abusive” or “a narcissist”) and tells you what to do based only on your report.
He also points to a training gap: many therapists working with couples may have minimal formal education in couples therapy. His point isn’t to insult therapists. It’s to encourage due diligence. If you’re trusting someone with your family’s future, you deserve someone trained for that work.
For families already navigating stress or transition, Navigating the Health Care System After Retirement: A Complete Guide for Adults can help readers understand how to evaluate professional support systems without feeling overwhelmed or rushed into decisions.
Repair after serious damage: infidelity, addiction, and the question of abuse
Seb asks about the hard stuff: affairs, alcoholism, and whether people can actually overcome those patterns in a lasting way.
Rabbi Slotkin says many affairs do end in divorce, but he’s seen couples recover, even after difficult situations, including serial cheating that was hidden for years. His emphasis is on willingness and commitment to repair, and on understanding the context (not as an excuse, but as a way to prevent repetition).
On addiction, he says recovery is possible, especially when the addiction is being treated, and the person is actively engaged in supports like groups or counseling.
Then the conversation moves into abuse, and Rabbi Slotkin is careful here. He says abuse is not okay, and safety has to come first. He describes distinctions between types of violence, impulse-control escalation versus intentional control and manipulation, and notes that the latter is far more dangerous and harder to change. Ultimately, he returns to the same grounding point: each person has to decide what they need to feel safe.
Marriage in the sandwich years: parents, adult kids, and the burnout of caregiving
Seb brings up the “sandwich generation”: caring for aging parents while still supporting adult children, sometimes financially. Rabbi Slotkin acknowledges how heavy that is.
His guidance is simple, but not simplistic: recognize the stage you’re in, and don’t neglect the marriage. He encourages couples to prioritize the relationship while also honoring parents, and he mentions practical delegation, sharing responsibilities with siblings, hiring support if possible, so one partner isn’t carrying everything.
Seb adds a personal example: prioritizing sleep so he can show up better for everyone else. Rabbi Slotkin agrees: “If there’s no self, there’s no one to give to others.”
If caregiving responsibilities are placing strain on a long-term partnership, The Family Meeting Guide to Emergency Planning: Essential Paperwork for Aging Parents provides practical guidance for navigating shared decisions without letting stress erode connection.
Retirement together: creating a relationship vision instead of just filling time
When Seb asks about couples who suddenly spend all day together at home, Rabbi Slotkin calls it a major transition. Some people are used to being home; others aren’t. Either way, retirement requires more intention.
His suggestion is to talk directly about goals.
What do we want this season of life to be?
What do we want to do together?
What do we want to do separately?
How do we stay connected without feeling trapped?
He uses a phrase he returns to: create a vision. In his work, which includes writing a “relationship vision” down, something that might have looked one way in your 20s and 30s, and may need updating now. Some couples may even use a vision board, but the core is shared clarity.
As couples begin redefining daily life after full-time work ends, Exploring Spirituality After Retirement: A Journey to Meaning, Peace, and Connection offers a perspective helping partners move beyond simply filling time to cultivating deeper purpose, connection, and joy.
Two small practices couples can start today
Rabbi Slotkin offers two practical strategies that don’t require a retreat, a new personality, or a complete overhaul.
First: daily appreciation. Take a few minutes each day to share something you value about your spouse, something they did, a quality they have, and why it matters to you. He emphasizes being present: face each other, make eye contact, even hold hands. Small moments reset the emotional tone.
Second: a weekly date that’s more engaging than just dinner. Try something new together, a class, an activity, something that creates fresh energy and shared experience.
These aren’t flashy ideas. That’s the point. They’re the kind of steady practices that support aging with purpose, because they keep the relationship alive in ordinary time.
A story of change: when a couple rebuilds and it ripples outward
When Seb asks for a success story, Rabbi Slotkin shares one from over a decade ago: a couple on the brink, both in second marriages, with serious doubt about whether they could make it. He worked with them in a two-day intensive. The process helped them feel safe, understood, and more aware of how childhood triggers were driving present conflict.
What stands out is what happened next: the wife later sent family members to him for help, and eventually became inspired to pursue work in the helping professions herself.
Not everyone becomes a therapist. But the ripple effect is real. When one couple changes how they relate, it affects children, grandchildren, and the emotional climate of an entire family system. That’s not exaggeration. That’s just what happens when people stop living in constant tension.
Life now: the work he offers and what fulfillment looks like
Rabbi Slotkin shares that he and his wife have been married 24 years. He’s based in Baltimore, and his project offers two-day private intensives (in-person or virtual), group workshops (sometimes in Baltimore, sometimes online), and a self-study course.
Seb asks whether in-person work is more effective than Zoom. Rabbi Slotkin says it depends on the couple. He originally doubted online work, but he’s seen it be effective, especially when couples take it seriously and reduce distractions.
Underneath all of this is a quiet kind of fulfillment: helping couples rediscover each other, sometimes after decades. For listeners focused on staying relevant later in life, it’s a useful example of what relevance can look like: being in service, staying engaged, and continuing to learn what helps people heal.
Conclusion: a gentler kind of reinvention, built on curiosity and courage
This conversation isn’t a promise that every marriage can be saved. Rabbi Slotkin doesn’t talk that way. He talks about willingness, safety, skill, and the long view.
But it does offer something many people need as they think about life after 60: permission to believe change is still possible. Not just personal change, but relational change. The kind that makes your home feel more like a refuge than a battleground.
If you’re in a season of distance, boredom, or silent resignation, consider starting smaller than you think you need to. A daily appreciation. A weekly date. A written vision for the years ahead. A real conversation about what you want now, not what you wanted at 35.
Reinvention after 60 can be loud, but it can also be quiet: a shift in how you speak, how you listen, and how you choose to show up. Curiosity is a form of courage. And even when you’re tired, even when history feels heavy, that curiosity can be the first step toward aging with purpose, together or on your own terms.